Ubuntu!

Ubuntu is a Nguni word from Africa that roughly translates as, “I am because you are”.  This is the essence of community but can be a bit confusing for many of us.  As you know, I began the year with a research question about the value of community and cultivating connections through the creative arts. Is it any wonder that it is also the year I learned about Ubuntu?

Imagine if you will, a group of six young children seated in a circle with me on a large studio rug.  It is morning in mid September and the final days of summer beckon with their warmth. I tell them about my plan to take walking tours of the Cherry Creek North community.  I remind them that they are some of the best teachers I know. Naturally I believe they can teach other adults too. After our chat, we agree on a few basic walking rules: 1) Share the sidewalk, 2) Wait quietly at intersections, 3) Walk two by two, holding hands and 4) Offer a friendly “Hello” when you can. Thus prepared we set out. Of course I initially thought we’d walk a few blocks but quickly discovered that our pace would limit us to one.  To the young child everything is beautiful.   Their focus isn’t yet narrowed by judgments on what is worth attending to and what isn’t.  To them the weeds are just as captivating as the flowers and the ants scurrying across the sidewalk are every bit as interesting as the destination. Children notice a world far more generous than the one we, as adults, often recognize.  They point out insects on leaves, birds singing, flowers blooming, ants parading and dogs barking.  They show me spider webs that catch the morning dew and they listen to the wind as it blows through trees, grasses and down empty streets.  When people approach us, the children scoot over to share the sidewalk, primed and ready to offer a practiced ‘Hello’.  After that first meander, a four year old boy says, “Angelina, we saw lots of people but most of them didn’t look at us or were talking on their phone.  We didn’t get to say ‘Hello’.” And he was right. Children implicitly know that connection is where it’s at, even though many of us are so busy we overlook it.  They notice things that we, as adults, simply miss.  

As often happens, in my efforts to understand community I had neglected to account for my adult perspective.  I assumed community was as lacking for children as it appeared to be wanting for many adults.  But young children are naturally interdependent. They rely on others for many of their basic needs.  They don’t organize get togethers, they see a group of children playing with a ball or in the sand and they join in. For children raised in caring families, community is everywhere.  Why?  Because needing others is fundamental.  We need them for playing and getting stuff done (let’s face it an empty sand box isn’t all that inviting). We need them to help gather food and create shelter.  We need them for hugs and laughter and conversation. When I first read the Harvard-Grant Study that suggested the secret of happiness might just be supportive, loving relationships and community, I panicked.  I didn’t really know what community meant.  I wasn’t even sure if I had one and if I didn't then how best to build one.  So I walked with the children, week after week, knowing they would show me the way.  They did. But l was slow on the uptake.  It took illness and the amazing response of this supportive and loving community to really bring the lesson home.  

Here’s what I discovered.  

Community is right where we are but we often miss it. Our adult perception is distorted by a cultural, “I’ve got this!” motto.  It’s a little bit like walking down the street and missing the everyday beauty along the way because we've got somewhere to be.  We still get to the destination but the journey isn’t nearly as much fun. I didn’t really know that I had a community until I needed one.  It didn’t just appear.  It had been there all along but I didn’t see it… I was probably on my cell phone scurrying to some destination or some-such-thing.  Thankfully the children are always there to remind us where to look.  They show us that community is everywhere when we recognize our inter-connection and build on that. I didn’t realize I had community until I could no longer honestly declare, “I’ve got this!”  Could it be that simple?  If the secret of happiness lies in our fundamental connection then are mutual need and shared support our greatest allies to living a fulfilled life?  Authentic community and thus happiness appears to hinge on the simple fact that we need one another.  Ubuntu!  I am because of you.  Thankfully the children provide a fresh perspective and with them anything is possible.  

I am grateful to the amazing children and their inspiring families who have taught me so much this year.  I am grateful to be a part of such a remarkable community! 

Ubuntu.